


Dumbass Trio Ditch Day

by MerMagicAnaLily



Series: Andi Mack Requested Oneshots [10]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Dumbass trio, Emotional Support Morons, Gay!T. J., Muffy - Freeform, Slight Transphobia, These Idiots, Tyrus - Freeform, trans!marty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 19:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20711645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerMagicAnaLily/pseuds/MerMagicAnaLily
Summary: Jonah just knew he was in trouble when he opened the door this morning to a smiling Marty and T.J. He should have shut the door and run away, but they grabbed him. And dragged him into T.J.’s Jeep. “Guys, don’t we have to go to school?!” He protested from the backseat.“School?” Marty looked back from shotgun. “Never heard of her.”“Marty!”“No, but in all seriousness,” T.J. said, looking at Jonah through the rear view mirror. “It’s senior ditch day. We’re ditching.”





	Dumbass Trio Ditch Day

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I hope you enjoy this fic! Let me know if there’s anything else you want! Comment if you read this!!!!

Jonah just knew he was in trouble when he opened the door this morning to a smiling Marty and T.J. He should have shut the door and run away, but they grabbed him. And dragged him into T.J.’s Jeep. “Guys, don’t we have to go to school?!” He protested from the backseat.

“School?” Marty looked back from shotgun. “Never heard of her.”

“Marty!”

“No, but in all seriousness,” T.J. said, looking at Jonah through the rear view mirror. “It’s senior ditch day. We’re ditching.”

“So there’s classes for everyone but seniors?”

“Oh no, technically there’s classes for seniors,” T.J. said. “But we don’t have to go. It’s our school sanctioned day of teenage rebellion before we’re no longer teenagers.”

“And I had to be kidnapped for this?”

“More fun that way,” Marty smiled. He could give The Joker a run for his money with that smile. 

“Why am I friends with you two?” Jonah groaned, throwing his head back. “Where are we even going?”

“The beach.”

“You mean the beach that’s three and a half hours away while I’m sitting here in my pajamas?” Jonah crossed his arms. “I’m not skinny dipping and we’re not going to a nude beach.”

“Come on, give us some credit,” Marty said. “We stopped by target and bought you board shorts, a T-shirt, and flip flops.” He pointed to the bag and Jonah looked through it. 

“FEDERAL BIKINI INSPECTOR?! If anyone sees me wearing this I’ll never hear the end of this.” They stopped at a red light and both boys in the front seat unzipped their hoodies and showed off their shirts. They had the same shirts but they had defaced it with a sharpie, Marty crossing out the word “Federal” and adding the word “Former,” and T.J. crossed out “Bikini” for “Board Shorts.”

“Matching shirts, altered for our gender identities and sexualities,” T.J. smiled. 

“And I get the gross sexist one?”

“You’re the only cishet male here, so yes,” Marty said. “Unless you want the sharpie to replace “Federal” with “Feminist?”’

“You think I can survive another encounter with Andi and Buffy, and even to a lesser degree, Cyrus, unless I do that?”

“Fair enough,” Marty tossed the sharpie back and Jonah got to work. “And we’re actually gonna drive for three and a half hours?”

“Actually, we’re gonna try and get there in two and fourth five…” T.J. smiled and gripped the steering wheel.

“Oh fuck that! Do that and I’ll call Cyrus!”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Try me!”

“No, I’m saying you wouldn’t because I’ve got dirt on you too Beck,” T.J. said. 

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that it’s your fault we’re banned from Wal*Mart?” T.J. said. 

“Or why we can’t go into the botanical section at Home Depot?” Marty continued.

“You two were very willing participants in our Lost Target Employee prank and our Plant Band.”

“That may be, but you were still the mastermind,” T.J. said. “And I bet Cyrus would love to know why the assistant manager chased the two of you out of the Wal*Mart when he wanted to buy some art supplies for Andi’s birthday.”

“We went to Michaels instead. Much better quality anyways,” he mumbled but sat back, knowing he had nowhere to go and no way to protest as T.J. started weaving wildly between cars. “But if we get pulled over, I’m telling the cops you kidnapped me.”

“Fine by me,” T.J. said. “We won’t get pulled over.”

* * *

“Explain again why we had to fill our car with every sour cream and onion potato chip bag we could find?” Jonah said, looking at the multitude of bags in the backseat with him. They stopped at a pit stop on the highway and all he did was leave them alone for two minutes while he went to the bathroom. 

“Because they’re the superior potato chip,” T.J. said, eating from a bag Marty was holding out for him. Marty meanwhile was fishing chips out of a Pringles can. 

“But all of them?”

“Because we wanted to, and it’s a great snack for the time driving to the beach and the time driving back.”

Jonah sighed and gave in, opening a bag and eating from it. “You know, the three of us may be the Dumbass Trio, but you two are the Chaos Twins.”

“Thanks Jonah, we take that in stride,” Marty said proudly. 

———-

“You know what I still don’t get?” Jonah asked both of them while playing Words with Friends with Marty. “Why aren’t you two with your significant others?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why don’t you do Ditch Day with Cyrus and Buffy?”

“Because then you’d be alone since Andi’s SAVA schedule works completely differently,” T.J. said. “And you haven’t exactly dated anyone in the past three years. The closest you’ve gotten to is the ASL lessons Libby still gives you so that you can communicate with her.”

“Libby and I are just friends,” Jonah said. “Nowhere near girlfriend level. We just don’t work. I just don’t work with girls.”

“Well, we know you’re not gay,” T.J. said said. “Or we would have sniffed that out by now.” 

Jonah laughed. “Nah, I’m not gay. I like girls, it’s the keeping up with a relationship I suck at.”

“Which is a shame for all parties,” he joked. “Buffy is the only person attracted to men at our school who never had a crush on you.”

“Wait...T.J., you had a crush on me?” 

“Yeah, in our younger baseball days,” he said. “Though, since I was a kid and I didn’t know I was gay...wow...I was really an asshole before Cyrus, huh?”

“Major dick,” Jonah agreed. 

“If I got paid a penny for every time Buffy complained about you to me, I’d be a millionaire in the eighth grade.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” T.J. said. “At least we’re friends now.”

“You’re an epic friend dude, nothing to worry about.” 

* * *

“Okay...that was so cringe-y!” Marty was laughing. They finally arrived at the beach and they rented out body boards from a little stand. 

“Yeah, and I was trying to save you,” Jonah laughed. T.J. was trying to hide his face. The girl at the shack, while doing the mandatory demonstration of how to use the equipment, kept feeling up T.J. and pressing her chest against him as she flirted, and Jonah tried flirting with her to get her attention off of his friend. It didn’t work.

“I’m going to get a tattoo of a rainbow flag all over my body,” he groaned. “And then I’m gonna tattoo the words “I’m gay!” on my forehead.”

“Yeah, then you could spare every girl at school the heartbreak of them flirting with you, hoping to nab you since you don’t have a girlfriend, and then crush their spirits when they see you kiss Cyrus,” Marty laughed. 

“Yeah, all these girls always tell me that I’m “too hot to be gay.” Like, what does that even mean? Only ugly people should be gay?”

“They just want you for themselves,” Marty said. “Come on, I’ll buy you a snowcone you can drown your sorrows in.”

“Do I have to be sad to get a snowcone?” Jonah asked. 

“No, you can be happy...and happily buy it for yourself.”

* * *

“Okay, didn’t the pervy shack girl tell us explicitly  **not ** to do this?” T.J. asked raising an eyebrow.

“You sound like your boyfriend,” Marty said. “It’s cute, but come on!” He and Jonah were carefully balancing and trying to stand up. “We just wanna surf.”

“Then we can get surfboards.”

“Surfboards are more expensive,” Jonah said. “Besides, what could happen?”

“You two want me to go full Goodman? Because I know that there are at least ten things that can go horribly, horribly wrong.”

“Come on Kippen!” Marty groaned. “Come surf with us!” 

“I’ll body surf,” T.J. said. “Besides, you don’t start off on the oncoming wave on your feet!” T.J. said. “You’re supposed to face away from the wave, paddle away from it for a bit, and only then do you stand up.”

“Why can’t you start on your feet?” Jonah asked, the a small wave came and toppled the two boys into the water while T.J. stayed hugging his board. 

“And that’s why.”

“Shut up T.J.!” Marty said, spitting water as he and Jonah went back to hugging his board with his whole body. 

“You guys are idiots.”

“We’re all proud idiots!” Marty said. 

“Can’t argue with that,” Jonah said, coughing while he got back on a lying down position on the board. “Buffy told me that we’re not allowed to be bored.”

“Why?” Marty asked, immediately getting back on his feet until T.J. shook the board to get him to fall off again. 

“That’s why. She said when we’re bored, the stupidest shit happens.”

“Cyrus started keeping a list named“why we call them the dumbass trio,”” T.J. said. “I’ve seen the list...the shopping cart races were one of the first things. Us attempting to carry the biggest stuffed animal Build a Bear had, which was ridiculously big, was another.” 

“Buffy uses the bear as a chair,” Marty said with a proud smile. “She does her homework on it.”

“And the mountain of chocolates she gave you?”

His face fell. “I tried to make a giant candy bar.” 

“What happened?” Jonah asked.

“I burned the chocolate...and had to buy three more pans for the kitchen.”

T.J. looked at Jonah. “And this is why he’s Head Dumbass.”

* * *

They moved on to play beach volleyball, which was Marty vs T.J. with Jonah officiating and then playing winner. 

“Hey!” They turned around and saw a group of what looked like frat guys. “You’re on our court!” 

They looked around and saw several nets set up on empty courts and they only had 8 people, enough for one team. “Um...we were here first so…” T.J. said. 

“Yeah, but it’s ours.”

“It’s a public beach dude,” Jonah said. “Why not just go to one of the other courts?”

“Because everyone knows this belongs to Psy Kappa Alphas!” They all whooped after the name and the trio rolled their eyes. 

“Dude, we’re mid-game here,” T.J. said. “Why not just-oh!” T.J. doubled over when he got a volleyball straight to the crotch. Marty looked down. For the first time, he was grateful that he was born with the wrong parts. 

“Come on bro,” Marty came under the net and walked towards them. “It’s just a court and we wanted to play.” One of them then grabbed him by the shirt of his wetsuit and brought him up close to his face. 

“It’s the principle of the thing,” he said. “Wait...are you wearing a bra under this?” His eyes widened. “You’re a fucking tranny?!” 

Marty swiftly kneed him in the balls and grabbed his emotional support morons and the three started running with eight frat boys chasing them. They sprinted while they gathered their stuff, not bothering to put on their shirts or anything as they haphazardly carrried all their things and T.J. unlocked the car, all of them piling in with Jonah in shotgun this time and Marty in the backseat with all of their stuff as T.J. started peeling away. A few frat guys chased them for another two or three blocks before they turned back to the beach and the three boys looked at each other and started howling with laughter. 

“Well...I guess that’s a sign that we should start heading home,” Jonah said as Marty kneeled on the seat and started putting the things from the backseat into the trunk. T.J. nodded and set the gps to start going home.

* * *

“Okay, say what you will,” T.J. said, putting his shirt back on after they parked in Jonah’s driveway. “But that was a lot of fun.”

“I will not disagree,” Jonah said. “But I still would have liked, you know, not being kidnapped?”

“Hey! There you guys are!” They heard Buffy behind them and turned around smiling to see Buffy and Cyrus. “Where were you guys all day?”

“We were at the beach,” Marty said, his T-shirt over his wetsuit and Buffy raised an eyebrow as she read it, and Cyrus looked at T.J.’s. 

“Federal Board Shorts Inspector?”

“We wanted funny matching shirts,” he said, kissing Cyrus’s cheek and frowned. “Why are you wearing a backpack?

“Because it carries my books nicely?” Cyrus frowned. 

“No, I mean...why are you wearing it today? It’s senior ditch day.”

“Um…” he and Buffy exchanged a glance. “No it isn’t.”

Jonah and Marty froze. “What?”

“It’s not senior ditch day today,” Buffy said. “It’s next week.” 

Jonah fixed his eyes on T.J. and Marty. “Next week?!” T.J. and Marty dropped their beach bags and started running and Jonah chased after them. “IT WAS NEXT WEEK YOU IDIOTS!” 

Buffy and Cyrus started laughing and then looked into the Jeep. “Why are there twenty bags of sour cream and onion potato chips?”


End file.
